The Other Woman

Motivation… Move Bitch get out the way…BOOM I got your boyfriend, Uh I got your man… I gott’em .. Hello Mocha this is SO-n-So, You don’t know me but… ETC….

I had a hard time writing this blog… For many reasons, personal and private.. What I realized by writing and rewriting, that as much as the topic stares me in the face, I have no clue who holds the blame.. I always prided myself on being #1… Growing up I witnessed best friends get caught by wives, bricks flying through windows of cheating boyfriends, and of course the skating ring brawls as object stands back and laughs only to reject brawlers the next week at school. I on the other hand never sought out attention from other men. However, I have dealt with many OTHERS. Others, who sought me out.



Background:

Some Lessons were learned early on like… She will always come out of the wood works.



Majority of my first boyfriend’s flings always needed me to know. I don’t know what it was about, but they did. I had never caught him physically, but his evidence would just show up out the blue. I received notes on my car that ranged from “Ask him where he was last night” to “Check his right ass cheek”.. lol.. Of course being involved with a guy who has the gift of gab, each lie became more and more outlandish. My favorite line “You know no one likes seeing us together” or the famous “She didn’t mean shit to me, you’re my world”… I couldn’t pin flat tires and key scratches on his other girls, so of course he played clueless… The last straw came when I was at his house and the other showed up. I’m pregnant with his child. I turned, looked at him and a song came in my head… “It’s written all over your face, you don’t have to say a word”… At that moment I realized that revenge was beneath me and fighting over someone who has no legal ties to me is childish. 1st rule of thumb I don’t fight over men. But, as usual, you get tested.



Now I have never been any mans second... I usually don’t sit around long enough to find out if there was a 1st. So part of me found it pathetic that a woman would hold on knowing she was an after thought. I mean knowing that you can’t call after a certain hour, Knowing that EVERY holiday you’re alone, and knowing you’re worth: a $20 motel room and 3 hours of attention… HELL NAW!!! This is where the hard time came in. I have been approached by many a married men, and I have also come across the “yeah I got somebody but it’s shaky” knuckle head. What kind of woman is ok with this treatment? I guess growing up in a two parent house-hold, where my dad was always there tainted me. I expected all men to treat women the way my dad treated my mom. I expected women to submit the way my mom did to my dad. In my perfect up bringing, I saw marriages last. Never heard of so-n-so’s husband creeping. Not until I was of age to understand about the outside, that everything on the inside could be distorted.



Oprah’s Ah Ha moment…lol.. Never call someone something that just may pertain to you. Pathetic. Every woman has pathetic moments. In hind sight I realize I have had many. I think back how proud I was about being a “good” girlfriend. The fact that he gave me keys to his Candy coated 78 Cadillac Coupe DeVille, how I laid around his house with his mom when he was at basketball practice, how he showered me with gifts and The fact that I placed my own ass on a pedestal that was shaky at best. Never occurred to me that when I passed by, I was tagged as dumb, clueless, pathetic. That’s usually what happens when you toss everything you have into a bottomless pit and expect it to be in arms reach when ever you needed it. Truth be told I should have been somewhere bent over the same way he probably had her bent over. I should have accepted invites from his best friend. Hell “I can’t do this” should have been replaced with “Playbacks a bitch”. I should have been ok with being the “hussy” my granny spoke so matter-of-factly about. I should have been the opposite of all my friends. But, Here, little miss perfect had to be “perfect”. Being faithful had nothing to do with sex. It had to do with honesty. What hurt was openly loving someone, only to have everyone around you know it’s a fake. That’s like you going to work and everyone around you knows that when 5:00 hits you’re fired. Bullshit.. But I eventually grew up, replacing the naïve 16 year old with an out of touch young adult.





Over the years of having guy friends who treated me as “baby girl”, the candid talk made me place myself in a category of woman that was rare. Pieces of important information etched in my brain like never be a motel girl, bad girls return the favor, backseats are for hoes, and of course the holy grail of them all always wear panties. So after receiving this information from such reliable sources I began college. The look I got from College men as I repeated things was indescribable. The fact that I had never “returned the favor” had the then stand out star (not naming names but he eventually got us to the final four and was drafted) of our B-Ball team baffled. He in turn tried his hardest to convince me to let him “teach me”…lmao.. Not happening! So … Now you know where my mind was you kind of get the “ah ha” moment…



The Other Woman…

I don’t know how to feel… Part of me just wants to sit down and ask a millions questions. The other part wants to avoid the answers. The thing that bothers me I guess is the lack of respect. The unconcerned feeling that they’re ruining someone’s life. The family that they are hurting, they could care less. Once upon a time I was one of those “she should have done this and that” women. Funny, how WE as woman always blame each other, but never really look at the bigger picture. I have often heard Other’s say “I did what she wasn’t doing”. Really?? It never occurs to her that maybe she is doing EVERYTHING and he is just self-serving. Or that because Other will sit around and wait on her 3 hour window, and he knows this, he tells her what she needs to hear to get what he needs. And because Miss “It’s Whatever” has no self worth, a little attention is enough to claim victory.. A self high five because she just got him to break, but yet she ignores the fact that he is scrubbing the skin off his balls to rid himself of his mistake. He goes home and lives. She on the other hand sits around waiting once again on that 3 hour window. SAD.. Miss “It’s Whatever” will keep it going, won’t compromise her good thing… Though she thinks she won’t fall she does… Getting caught usually unleashes the “Jealous” side of the Other Woman… The fact that he would rather work on fixing his marriage and could care less that she is sitting at home harps on her. She breaks the rules…She contacts him after their agreed time.. Feelings of “What about me enters her mind and the vindictive side of Miss “Jealous” is full of rage. Continued calls and emails, text messages and notes, she doesn’t understand what it was As Jill Scott says in “My Love”…Yet in an “Others” mind; they feel validated because they did something. Something that you won’t… REALLY?? I have come to just say people need fillers. Fillers are what get’s you through your day at work. Ya know so-n-so is gonna say something sideways and it’s freaky as hell…you giggle and say Whatever.. Innocent…You catch lunch with your co-workers and an after 5:00 happy hour invitation is given. Innocent. An email back and forth through out your Department of course flirting is inevitable. A string of bad days at the home front and the filler that goes out of their way to get you to crack daily seems to be on top of their game. You take the invitation and there you go… Lesson: Innocence often is the base, ulterior motives gives innocence its potent foundation.



As an adult I expect infidelity.. I have come realize a man is programmed to procreate. When me and my husband were “just friends” he had friends…When we were dating he had friends. Now that I am married he still has friends. But the benefits stopped the day he made my left hand outrageously heavy.. I respect my husband. To be blunt his “friends” are cling-ons.. Can’t say ex’s because he never claimed them… They were in between fillers…They have gotten on my last nerve at times but, me being me … I Could give a fuck about somebody’s feelings getting hurt… Like I said this is my house… You’re reading for a reason, unpop ya neck and close your mouth… If you weren’t a cling-on you wouldn’t be reading this right now…lmao!!! Is my marriage open? HELL TO THE MUTHA FREKIN NAH… I am submissive. At times I think I maybe a little too submissive. But that’s my personality.. Do I think infidelity will enter my marriage? Let’s just say I’d be stupid to say NEVER!!! 3 hour windows pop up…Shit happens.. Can I avoid the possibilities? Negative.. I have been told I am cunning and nothing can get past me.. I often just have gut feelings and 99% of the time I am right. A simple get ya shit straight and feelings get hurt.. Emails come through.. Things get said and it’s over.



Conclusion…

Women are one up creatures.. If you did it I did it, but I add an extra because you need to look at me with a WHAT expression. If I had three men feeding me bananas and one wiping my mouth, trust me the next broad will have three men feeding her bananas and one wiping her mouth on the beach. Cuz she’s fly like that..lmao If I write about the way my husband strokes my face and counts my freckles, a broad from way back when will read this and think so he did that to me too..And...And.. He bought me a purse..lol.. That’s just us.. We as individuals want to be the best. When he says I am the best, I know that’s not the first time he said that. But, it does make me follow through on the back stroke.. You know just so he can put “I promise” on the end of it.. That’s just us.. You know just like it’s in us to publicly put down someone who wronged us. We don’t want fault in anything. If we can save face we will, even if it’s not the truth. I am no where near perfect. My life log is smeared, spotted, and in bold letters. So part of me understands when a man says I love my wife, and he constantly lifts her up.. Why the Other Woman gets a high from getting said man to fall even for just for 3 hours.. It’s not personal, it’s just personal… Does that make sense?