Mochalicious Tendencies

Renewed

2012-02-04T11:43:00.002-06:00

Standing in my desert alone ….once again

Tumble weed rolling I’ve embraced a cactus

Didn’t feel the pricks nor did I notice the blood

My neck was out stretched high to the sky

Eyes tightly closed slight flare in my nose

Suns kissing me hard as my walk slows

Reciting Psalms as my mouth grows dry

Sense storm is coming but I don’t know why

Winds picking up, but I don’t budge

I got a grip on a cactus… by the name of Love

Birth name mirage pronounced my rage

Defined easily as fabrication that seems to be a new craze

lies so complicated my heads a maze

I exhale as memories replay

Can’t breathe in... this bullshit.. again

So I suffocate myself as the count down begins

C-H-A-N-G-E…

I refuse to struggle it’s ok if you win

Add my name to your breed

Include the picture called naïve

Tattooed your initials on my tongue

I’ll speak well of you though your image has become….. hollow

Remembering the taste of heartache every time I swallow

I’m use to the flavor the aroma is inflamed

Your submission of hurt coincide with my pain

Drip...on my cheek drop... on my chin

Slowly awake in a river of tears

My navigation is off nothing looks familiar

This compass I call life has mislead me again

Standing in my desert alone… overlooking a new land

Tumble weed rolling I look down at my hands

Scars, scabs, jagged cuts and wounds that have slowly sealed

Once again tainted once again healed…..

~Mocha

Remember when I just wrote words...

2012-02-04T11:29:00.002-06:00

With my arms outstretched openly awaiting this new seasons sun I embrace fresh starts even though their entangled by memories of old burns flaking hurts that reveal permanent freckles got my face looking like midnight sky’s after comets tail leaves a trail across my eyes can't wait for that first Spring breeze makes my body bend like blades of grass after morning dew sprinkles across my neck and down my ass Winters worn out it's stay got me burned out with layer after layer of past thoughts ready to dip my knees in realistic ponds skinny dipping with new eyes that promise new thangs new lives new train of thoughts new beginnings for this withered rose whose been up rooted and replanted so many times fertilized by lie after lie no matter who waters my soul still ends up being left thirsty and cold untold is my story of numerous new beginnings same book different chapter new character same attitude which moves me to reason without a doubt that new beginning your talking about is just a trim of what’s to come along with bullshit that will make the newest treat turn a trick without a lick of enthusiasm bored into spasms unwilling to refrain or restrain the lack of interest looking to start over even though my chapter never finished the conclusion never came never got to summarize the possibilities with a picture in the index instead I skipped all over the main topic got everyone questioning my logic got people all in my mix reading my this new project wondering what’s next It's just like that hit change clothes even though that same styles on a different hoe not knowing what the hype is about not feeling the same beat you're rocking out seems as if your off beat off rhythm and what not....

Just words...

Why is marriage so complicated?

2012-02-04T11:14:00.001-06:00

Get that old thang back

It seems like the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012 was the straw that broke the camels back for some couples.. I heard more “we’re getting divorced” stories than I’ve ever heard in my life. Funny thing is when people go through ups and downs you tend to look at your own marriage. For me its a time to be thankful for what I have and also fine tune some things that may have been unattended. Life has it’s way of moving you along. You dont realize things happen until it gets brought to your attention. When it does and its something that you have neglected its had to take ownership. Replenish the lingerie draw, invest in matching underwear, and stop pulling your hair back. May sound simple enough, but trust me once you get into a habit it’s hard to break it.

Marriage is what you make of it

I use to say if you’re unhappy fix it. Communicate. What do you do if you’ve communicated your issues for years and nothing changed? At some point choices have to be made and ties have to be cut. For some people divorce is the only option. When you no longer love the person you are with, if you are doing that person more harm than good, or if your future isn’t part of your partners story than its time. Some people benefit from divorce. I know my husband did. I knew him before he divorced and after. I can honestly say divorce was the best thing that happened to him. I wont take any credit for his happiness. Some people just dont belong together. If you can’t look at your spouse and see yourself with them in 20 or 30 years, if you can’t imagine the two of you shuffling off to IHOP for the senior special. You definitely need to re-evaluate your life and the persons life you are holding hostage.

~Mocha

Who do you want me to be?

2010-11-10T13:12:00.002-06:00

I suppose at some point and time I lost myself. Losing who you are while trying to become one with someone is easy. You become this person who is a variation of you but also someone new.. You're not someone different you just picked up new ideas of what would make you more tolerable...wait... likeable.. not that I'm not likeable.. its just.. I dunno.. what funny things love does... it masks the unlikeable and makes it tolerable.. but when love dust settles and you're breathing and eye sight clears... you see things that were overlooked.. Not that you stopped loving.. your just not high off of love anymore.. you're still addicted.. you've just come down... So how do I get the high back... find myself..

Put together everything I've pulled apart and stripped down.. and find that rawness I've misplaced.. I've become complacent. Predictable.. Hardest thing to hear, is what your not doing right.. I think I've come to understand that you can't make everyone 100% happy with you.. but what you can do is try.. only thing about that is the more you try to be someone new and improved.. the old you the original version that attracted them to you becomes watered down.. so exactly what are you... who are you... good question..

2010-11-10T07:03:00.001-06:00

Question: Why have I stopped blogging?

Where the HELL have you been?

2010-10-11T06:33:00.002-05:00

Ha! I have so much to share but so little patience to do it. I've been off living life, creating memories,evaluating hardships.. on my own.. All I can say is that 2010 can kiss my ass.. I have 2 1/2 months to try and make this year just "ok". Seriously this year SUCKED. Everyone has a bad year. This one is mine I guess. I miss writing. I miss figuring out my purpose here. Maybe thats why I've become discombobulated ?? lmao.. oh well.. I'm here.. you know I'm here.. I'll finish this. Hand to God.

~Mocha

Bring in the New Year.

2009-01-08T10:04:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year!!!

I know I’m 8 days late, but I’ve been busy.. It has taken me 8 days to figure out what most declare on the 31^st. I have never done resolutions. A resolution is something that you make when making simple changes hasn’t worked. Or when you’ve done something, and it bites you in the ass so you decide to quit doing it…on the 31^st. It takes me a couple of days to just back and say ok where am I going this year.

Last year

Disclaimer: These statements are about me… it in no way is meant to cast a shadow on my better half …lol..

I was Newly married and had no clue what the year would bring, hell I wasn’t steering it. I think I was in lala land looking out a window, and my car just happened to stay in the street… A lot of things happened that I wish wouldn’t have. I LEARNED a hell of a lot in my 1^st year in marriage. I found myself towards the middle of the year and realized that just because I was NEW doesn’t mean I needed to be lead by the hand. Sometimes, when something is so new and so uninhibited, you tend to automatically take the passenger seat especially when the driver has driven on that road before. You take that drivers opinions of that road and you adjust yourself to what is “natural”. Instead of taking the wheel and just driving, I found myself questioning every movement as if it were wrong. Even if it felt right…..

If you have followed me for awhile, you KNOW I love analogies… it makes things simple. And if you know me you know I like simple. NO ONE reads the manual to a car or new phone when they get it… We just cut “it” on.. and we try and figure “it” out ourselves…and based on the past or what we remember others doing we pretty much guess on what to do and what not to do… We all know where the manual is, we all know right and wrong way of doing things… the only time we go to a manual is when “it” breaks or does something abnormal… Now two things can happen when “it” malfunctions… You can say oh well and get a new one…. Even though you’ve invested time, emotion, energy, and money into “it”…. Or you fix “it”…. My air bag went off…my phone refused to send signals…lol… and…Well I had to go to the manual… my personality is one that I hate failure..I like being able to show that I managed to keep something working.

Example: I have a 97 Grand Jeep Cherokee.. body is in good condition… inside looks brand new… because I put work into it… it runs smooth… one morning it wouldn’t start.. transmission was gone… now everyone around me had newer cars, and of course car notes… so the minute they heard me say I needed a new transmission they said… you should save that $3000 and use it as a down payment on a new car… you have great credit… that’s what I would do… Not once thinking 11yrs still looks like new… first major problem ever had… fix it…

Anyway… I had some old ways that I brought into my new life… I have a habit of shutting down when ever I feel like it…I go into my own little world and shutting everyone else out… When I was told that these old ways weren’t healthy in my marriage… my defenses went up and my stubborn nature took over… and I basically ignored the problem… Bad Idea I know that NOW… I’m not ashamed to say that I didn’t feel communication was that important in marriage.. Especially when I felt like that’s the only part of me I could control… What I learned is that marriage isn’t about controlling the other person. It’s about adapting and merging… coinciding and evolving…nurturing and protecting… loving and communicating… BUT… it’s also about being able to keep ones identity… If you can’t be yourself.. you definitely can’t be happy… So after reading the manual… I realized a lot about myself… and a lot about my marriage… I found out what makes me happy and that just because you’ve been on a road before doesn’t mean the experience will be the same the second time… I’ve said it before I felt like the beginning of my marriage I was quoting one of Shakespeare’s plays…Screaming “Out damn spot out”… No matter how much you want to rid yourself of the past… it is what it is… the past… you can paint over it… you can out perform it… you can not speak of it… it will always be part of you… The easiest way to control it… is acknowledging… understanding.. and over looking… it… and continue living…

Don’t get me I’m not blaming the driver. It’s natural to avoid bumps that you’ve felt before, to not allow short cuts because of past mishaps, or to disregard new directions because they may seem unfamiliar. It’s quite natural to try to stay two steps ahead of what made you fail the first time… I think this year WE realized that it’s a lesson… We have learned from mistakes and now we live…

This Year

I am continuing the stride I started. I will not let 08 determine my life in 09… I openly would like to experience new problems… I encourage new fights… I look forward to new outcomes… I acknowledge that the past will resurface at the most unpredictable times… I understand that no one has control over this… I enjoy the fact that Katt Williams said if I had haters I’m doing something right… I willingly admit I have the greatest husband in the world.. and…. I welcome all jealousy… Hi Haters..

Peace.. and Love…

Well I've meet someone new...

2008-12-29T08:42:00.000-06:00

Yes...

and at first it was innocent tweets… I thought I could control myself… you know balance the two.. well four.. I know I’m a social whore.. I love new networks… and even though I have stretched myself thin… I still stay with you.. You were loyal to me.. I wrote my first blog here.. but.. It’s so addicting… the way I can just say what I feel…and instantly.. there’s a response… The fact that I talked to MCHammer, Qtip, Quest, and Luda is amazing… Vibe and Essence… I just can’t stop… and as much as I miss you.. I’m infatuated with it… Oh twitter… you have me… LMAO!!!

I promise to blog more but honestly I’ve been caught up twittering… If you haven’t joined join… it’s fun and addicting… oh and add meJ

http://www.twitter.com/mochalight

366

2008-11-25T13:10:00.001-06:00

It’s been a year..Wow.. Can I be honest.. Yesterday I was flooded with so many emotions. Mostly negative… Mostly the “what I shoulda did” situations came to my mind. Yeah in my first year of marriage I think I was set-up… I was waiting on someone to pop out and scream… Gotcha.. The whirlwind of what is suppose to be… I learned the hard way.. That in marriage there is no “suppose to be”…

Your first year of marriage is suppose to be new, fresh, uninhabited, and raw… It’s suppose to be bumpy especially when personalities are trying to mesh… The thing of it is.. I can read people very well.. I pay attention to detail and ways…I can tell you pretty much your actions before you even respond… I knew my husband before he knew me… I knew who he was… I knew his ways.. I knew he had a habit of covering up things to save face…. I knew he had female friends who wanted him… and I knew because of his “leave no enemies” personality… They would always be a problem in my life…

Well when you go into a union with someone who has scars… and we all have scars but when they are from a previous marriage they tend to be fresher..or easily aggravated… My husband didn’t deserve the treatment he got from his first marriage… and I went into our marriage trying to fix the things that she messed-up.. Allowing certain actions because she didn’t… Basically letting my husband be a man… And not speaking up… As much as people think Ex-wives make marriage hell for the new wife… I haven’t dealt with that…

I finally can check my mail and not see shit for her… The fact that I wrote return to sender on every piece of mail that came to my house… Our mail lady even circled back around once when she saw me throw mail back in the box and lift the flag up… She laughed and said “It’ll stop soon”… and it did…

I have pretty much replaced every piece of furniture in our house.. Repainted.. planning on pulling out the sinks and tubs in both bathrooms next year and replacing them.. The back yard is getting a deck and we’re placing our hot tub in the ground… So the house we share was from his previous marriage.. And as much as people asked Why would you stay in a house that his ex lived in… Or how did he GET to keep the house… Well he kept the house because he had no reason to give it up… They both fought for it, and he ended up with it… because… My daughters school is in walking distance… the neighborhood is decent, we live in a cultisack and our back yard is to die for….I have no reason of wanting to sale… So, I can deal with the fact that someone was there before… but trust, once I get done with it… It will be a home… not just a house were love had no place….

Back to 366… I ramble… sorry… So what was I sayin… oh.. I didn’t have to deal with the Ex… But I did have to deal with Pathetic side kicks… You know the ones that came before and during my early presence… My husband tells me all the time that I have received death wishes and hate threats… Which I can understand… How the hell can she take what I’ve put so much effort in.. those 3 hour hotel excursions meant something damnit… lol.. not.. She gets the Royal treatment and I can’t even get a meal… My husband writes me off on his taxes… He claims I am his most expensive date ever…The first year we met he showed me my name in his QuickBooks… He says I was a business expense then… now I’m a partner.. who knew…

My first year I had to find my swing.. I had a habit of bunting when there was no need... Now I’m swinging at everything… which also isn’t good but hey… I connect more than miss… I realize that the majority of my unhappiness came from me not voicing my concerns… The majority of my husbands unhappiness came from me waiting until he asked me 1000 times “what’s wrong” and then 3 days later saying.. ya know… you did this and that… My husband lives in the now.. as in Life is too short… I F’d up… we said sorrys… so lets move on… Whereas I am more of an “I am mad… and I deserve to hold it in until it explodes” after the explosion I still want to nurse my wounds… And because I am a woman I get to bring it up repeatedly every time I get mad… That’s were we bump heads..

But 366 days later my husband knows me… he knows when I am feeling low.. he knows when I’m pissed off… and he knows when to just let me throw my pity party… He knows WE made a lot of mistakes 365 days ago.. But now on day 366… I’m happy… I would personally send every woman that my husband dealt with fruit cakes but that would be tacky…lol..

We won’t bring the past up.. (yeah let’s pray about that there)… And we won’t let trash from the past find it’s way into our lives… It’s trash when we come across it… throw it away again… it will always be just that trash……

366 The start of new…

All grown up...

2008-11-18T11:15:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is my Moms birthday... She’ll be 52.. I looked at the calendar and I almost choked.. So while I look through flowers, I feel the need to share my mom ..

My mom is the youngest of 5 siblings.. 4 of which are still living.. She is the baby.. and the more I age the more I see where I exactly get my demeanor from.. Not her personality, but her ways … My mom is Sarcastic.. So sarcastic, you might take her seriously.. She’s not a kissy huggy mom… Well not with me she wasn’t.. However, with My sister she was… I think I was the wake-up call to adulthood for her… she was 19 when I was conceived.. 20 when I was born.. As a Grandmother she is very affectionate.. As a mother.. as my mother.. She wasn’t…She expected a lot.. I knew everything, and she let me think I did.. She allowed me to make mistakes, she got in my ass and reminded me of them daily… I see her when I look in the mirror now.. Especially when it comes to my relationship with my daughter…

I can’t help but think about our journey… My earliest memory of my mom was when I had chicken pox the second time around (had chicken pox twice… once when I was 2 and the other when I was 3 ½ and I also had a mild case of small pox when I was 9)... I remember my mom telling me not to touch my face..(which didn’t work) I remember running around with socks taped to my hands.. I was about 2 ½…

I remember my Oma (grandmother) more than my mom at that age… My Oma explained the world to me… She told me to smile at everyone, it makes people comfortable.. She taught me how to order bread at the bakery, how to tell the difference between meats at the butchers, and how to pee outside..lol…She let me set the table during Tea time… (FYI.. Right after lunch, and about 2 hours before dinner).. She let me make Crepes in the morning and mash the potatoes for dinner… She explained the reason people stared at us… and the reason she squeezed my hand so tight when we went in the city…She protected me… She is the reason why I am “sweet”. My childhood years in Germany and every Summer up until I was 14 helped to mold me into who I am… I think that’s why I identify with Barack so much… not because he’s Bi-Racial like me… but because he had a mother that wasn’t the same color as him.. and because his Grandmother molded him…

The majority of my memories with me and my mom were after we moved to the States… I wish I had her “take no shit” attitude… When people watched us, she spoke up… When black women frowned, she spoke up.. Anything I wanted to pursue.. She made it happen.. When I threw a fit the first day of 3^rd grade when they made us fill out our nationality… She came to the school and told the Principle if she wants to mark both let her… It wasn’t until I was in the 6^th grade that Other would be my choice… and that stands today… My Drivers License says Other… My Passport says other… and voters card says Other…Why Other??… (Blog For Another Day) When I wanted to Swim… She paid the outrageous fee’s… She was at every competition… Cheered the loudest when I won my heat… When I made the relay team She hugged me… I won my first real trophy.. They even did a story about me on the local news when I came back from nationals in Florida… My mom wouldn’t let them ask me how I felt being the only black swimmer at my competitions.. So the story was pretty much based around the Girls relay team win… I don’t know if it was because I was the only black swimmer on the team, or if it was to make sure no one wronged me… But she was always there…Or maybe she just felt comfortable around people who looked like her for 4 hours… When my Dad was laid off in 88 I had to quit the team… She couldn’t afford to pay $150 a week for swimming lessons… I took up basketball to replace swimming… It was free… my mom didn’t come to many of my games.. It wasn’t until I was in the news paper every week that she took interest.. She never understood the game… but I could tell she was kinda proud… Come to think of it… I have had many “15 minutes of fame” growing up…lol..

Anyway My mom is my hero… We share something… As an Adult I get her… I am more prone to hug on her when I come home… Say I love you before we hang up… We don’t call each other often.. I think about her every day… but in the “we share something” sense… I know she thinks about me too… I also know she is JUST like me or I am just like her..lol.. I can function with out hearing her.. seeing her… but lately I find myself calling a little more… She functions with out me.. My Aunt says it’s because she knows I can fend for myself… And if I ever need anything I don’t hesitate to ask… She knew that from when I was a child… How when I was young, I entertained myself… and when I needed mom, I would go to her… My daughter was the same way… She would play for hours alone… With her imaginary friends… Now not so much… She needs attention… When I am not home.. She tortures her dad… And when he’s not home she begs him to come home..lol..

My mom deserves to retire and just travel… but even if I hit the lottery and gave all the money to her.. she’d probably start another business and work again… As Grown woman I think I appreciate my mom more now then I did when I was younger.. And that’s a good thing… So I picked Lily’s and roses’… Just a lil something to make her smile…until I hit the big one…

Hello my name is Mocha and yes I am officailly... Whipped

2008-11-09T12:20:00.000-06:00

I grew up depending on me... I had both mom and dad in the majority of my life... I loved.. but never have I loved a man so hard that I actually thought being with out that person would alter me... I often pretend being Superwoman.. You know the foundation that holds my family together. I want to be the reason why he rushes home, blows off every pathetic lonely broad that messed up and now wants back in... In a weird way I want to know things will fall apart when I ain't around... or I can keep things together when he isn't... It's not a bad thing to want to know your husband is whipped...

In his White Tee...the one he wore all day Yesterday...has a scent of BurBerry and sweat.... curled up on his side of the bed... breathing in the scent of him from his pillow... I miss him... It's funny we haven't been apart one night... I can't sleep... I missed him Running out of the bedroom tonight....when he realizes I am watching GA.. The past 2 days he made me soup...rubbed my belly.. kissed my forehead... and checked my temperature ...

Not sure why these tears are falling... He'll be back ... I guess it's the thought of being with out...The fact that I realize my life without him... Is meaningless...

and...

When he's not here I feel a little lost... My eternal GPS is off..oh...and I'm boring... as my soon to be 10 year old says... "When's dad coming back"...

Not soon enough

He is the foundation...

As my world turns...

2008-10-21T08:52:00.001-05:00

Fall is here.. I love it.. I have a wish list of boots… all styles and colors… I am in the mood to sweater shop.. I love turtle necks… especially big necked turtle necks… I love Jackie Coats… Kennedy that is.. I love fall colors… I loved burnt orange and olive green.. deep browns…. My fascination with brown is ridiculous.. My husbands favorite color is brown… We have that in common… It’s soothing… The colors in my house are mostly in the fall style… except… the bath rooms… The guest bath I experimented in… I still reverted to brown… Our Master bath… yep still has a tone of brown… We like Brown… I need some more pictures in both of those bathrooms… I should look…lmao

I love October and November…. It has to do with the weather and Thanksgiving…. Snuggle time is in full effect at my house Then there is the obsession with having the fan on in a cold house… Extra thick cover on the bed… I imagine us looking like a double stuffed croissant in bed…lmao!!!Bed… I could be there right now… yeah I need new sheets and a comforter… I should look… lol..

The next four weeks are jammed packed…my sisters getting Married Saturday…so that entails a road trip to the Sip (Mississippi)… there of course I will get hubby to partake in my Southern Favs..lol.. Hey I ate Roti with Curry chicken, potatoes, and chick peas at our dinner rehearsal and we even ate it in St. Croix… yeah it gave us the runs…I know now you can’t eat EVERY body’s Roti… I haven’t brought myself to eat Goat yet… I know its psychological..I just can’t..lol..

What else.. oh my husbands (guys only) trip to The Dominican Republic… I am still thinking of a girls only trip…As long as the hot tub is up and running before he leaves I’m ok.. Then there’s Birthdays… My Mom’s… and My hubby’s… then Our Anniversary.. J and then it’s Thanksgiving… Nothing makes days go by faster than Events… Then it’s Christmas… and another new year…wow… I have gifts to buy… Wedding, birthdays, and anniversary… I need to hit up Hallmark…lol

Well this is me at work bored out of my mind… and thinking of everything imaginable… I need to get my eyebrows waxed and my nails done… that’s my lunch break… lol..

Hey who doesn’t have needs…

Republican's just don't get it!!!

2008-10-19T11:17:00.000-05:00

To everyone who isn't White, Christian, and Republican...

Honestly..
If you are of any other nationality, if you are of any other creed, if you are of any other religion, and if you are of any other race... Why would you want to side with Republicans? I sit here and I look at footage from "town hall meetings", campaign rally's, and commercials... and I think... Why would I be there.. I seriously try to insert myself every piece of footage I find... I mean as a black woman, would I skin and grin while a guy 2 rows down yells "kill him"..."kill the terrorist"... or would I stand next to a guy with a monkey that has an Obama sticker around it's head and just laugh?... Would I? Do I want to belong to something that bad.. Do I want to separate myself from "me"...that much... I never really followed McCain... But from what my husband tells me and from my research... he vowed never to run a nasty campaign... From what my husband tells me the McCain he knew would have said... "Ya know I know you're angry... but lets not go there... comments like those aren't welcome here"... had he said that my respect level would have been so high for McCain... but he didn't... Why isn't anyone questioning Palin about her separatist movement... ya know the one where she made the comment of feeling the same way about Alaska being removed from America's possession... Yeah Ms... Small towns make America... Why... Why is McCain losing this Election... Hannity...

Colin Powell... Thank-you!!!
Thank you for seeing that even though you came to tha party, doesn't mean you have to dance... He's not voting for him because he is Black... He's voting for him because for once.. Every other nationality, everyone creed, every other religion, and every other race... see's it...

Issue 5

2008-10-08T19:06:00.004-05:00

Finally... After a lot of pushing... not nagging..lol... It's here... Issue 5!!! Enjoy
The Dog Years

And here's what's in store for ya'll with issue #6. This poster was drawn by me and background colors done by bigdaddybuk. Be on the look out for #6!

WTF!!!

2008-10-06T11:23:00.000-05:00

Caption me:
___________________

Palin....Please

2008-10-02T22:27:00.000-05:00

I don't think I have ever been more angry. I am a woman. When I was in high school I played basketball. I figured out that if I play with boys my game would be better. Well when I first began to play, I admit the guys would let me score. It was cute. But after some taunting by on lookers, most guys would say "ya know you had your fun" it's time for the boys to play... The gloves came off, and elbows began to swing... I learned that if I wanted to play with the boys I had to PLAY with the boys...That meant spitting out blood from a busted lip... walking off numerous ankle injuries... tapeing together busted and out of place fingers... All to get the one voice of recongnition... "She goes hard in the paint"... The respect that allows you..a woman...to walk on a court and say "I got next" and actually have guys come to you and say "can I run with you"...

This reject...
This woman...
Palin...
This pageant bunny...
This cheerleader with a nasal annoyance...

This Broad Can't run with the big boys.. I wanted Biden to take the gloves off... I wanted him to chin check her ass... I need to see exactly why a woman can do it... Fuck the 18 million cracks.... I need to see you get pushed down and fight to get up... I didn't see that tonight... I saw a a woman who was drilled on how to loop and stick tag lines... I saw a woman who thinks that if she smiles real big and gives that "well ya knoooooooooo" at the begining of each sentence that every woman was gonna side right up with her... Nope... Tonight I fell in love with Biden.. He was exceptional... Palin couldn't stay on topic and answer one damn question... She tap danced for 90 minutes...So she blames main stream media for filtering her answers...lmao... Well the thing is we air what you gave... McCain should be ashamed... Out of every republican he knew... You found her... a Trophy.. A sit over there and be pretty...haa....

It's Over

Obama 08....

FW: All I can say:

2008-09-18T08:26:00.002-05:00

Been through the storm and rain…and I made it… lmao.. God it feels so good to type on an actual keyboard instead of my phone… There were points during the past 3 days that I wanted to scream because my phone was acting funny… but I forgave Mr. Mogul… Well Ike wasn’t like that Bitch Rita..lol She threatened that she would do damage but she came had everybody running away and when she left there was little trace of damage… Ike did the damn thang though he actually told us he was coming… he had foreplay with the coast line for 15 hours and then put it on us… Leg is still shaken… That Damn Ike… lol…

House…

As the storm hit we laid in bed listening… Playing the “there went a shingle” game… Hubby called the Satellite the moment it ripped, luckily it wasn’t the new one we just had installed…We had cosmetic damage our shed folded like a house of cards… The fence on both sides fell…But Our little friends next door with the animal kingdom fixed there side within 30 minutes so all there animals can go back into the yard… I can just imagine the smell…. Our Hot tub called Ike out… It said F*ck you..lmao.. Ike only managed to get a little piece of wood from it… I call it a war scar… All I can say is We’re Blessed…

No Lights

Oh what fun… In a house where 95% of the entertainment is gadget oriented.. We were running low… Ps2 was powered… Laptop Powered… Phones Powered…. Sunday DEAD…lol… By Monday we had our Generator going….We have a gas stove so cooking has been my new game… Finding a way to heat up frozen pancakes and reheat left over food has been a blast… Because we have Satellite we didn’t have to endure the looping of pictures and news that the 4 channels had provided… I made a roast, rice and green beans… Bought 4 different kinds of beer from Target… Beck’s actually might replace my Heineken fix … What is killing me right now…. Dirty clothes… I bought 2 packs of clean underwear for everyone in the house… Washerteria… will be my friend on my next off day… I refuse to spend a whole day washing clothes at home…. All I can say is We’re Blessed…

Kemah

We knew… I think Saturday Morning around 5 am…If Ike Shook the shit outta our house, I already knew what he did to my Husbands Business in Kemah… The question was how bad… He drove there yesterday… 2 hours after he left the house I got a text… Everything’s Gone… The thing is… It’s ok…I repeated this…Because it is… My husband is the hardest working man I know… He is brilliant beyond words…and his imagination is unbelievable… My husband is what I call the Personal Entertainment in Kemah… and at the Downtown Aquarium… You don’t leave either place…especially The Kemah Boardwalk with out an Airbrushed Shirt, Hat, or name plate… or a Caricature… and the kiddos don’t want to leave without getting there faces painted… The first restaurant will open in a couple of weeks and the call was already made… “We need you to supply something”… So When you head out to the Kemah Boardwalk in the next couple of weeks and you see kids walking around with their faces painted, you see couples walking away smiling holding up an image one of his artists drew or an Airbrushed T-Shirt being worn that was personalized by one of the greatest BLACK Artist’s Houston has ever seen … I am Blessed…let me correct that We are Blessed…

BTW… Issue #5 is coming!!!!

last two pages are being drawn as we speak…

http://www.thedogyears.com

Mixed Chicks Rocks!!!

2008-08-10T16:51:00.011-05:00

I am a Guinea pig. I will try anything once. I have colored my hair every color you can imagine, but I have always ended up right back where I started..Reddish Brown...lol.. I have cut my hair in every style you can imagine from Halle Berry short to Razor cut cute Gabrielle Union... I wear my hair two ways...

Straight

Or natural...

I have found that long hair is the look tha most suits me... but we as women when we deal with men we tend to go over the end when we break-up with said men...lol..So... Natural suits me best....

The problem with going natural is my uncontrollable frizz.. and the fact that there really isn't a product out there that can control it... Trust me I know, I have tried them all...I don't do gels...and try to avoid Mouse when possible... so when I heard about Mixed Chicks... I rushed to my pc... ordered it and within two days I had my product... My husband laughs when I go through test runs with products...and clowns me when they don't work.. So this was me before the Mix Chicks ...yeah dry and frizzy as hell...

I absolutely LOVE this conditioner.. I can actually comb through my hair... When you have hair like me, you deal with your hair matting and getting tangled... and I always ended up using up half a bottle of Conditioner only to pull out half my hair because the conditioner doesn't have a detangler and if it does it doesn't work... Not only did the conditioner work but the way my hair coming out of the shower... Silky...lol... Not this picture was taking this afternoon... by this time I usually have a frizzyfro... actually not bad... My curls are more defined and you can actually tell I have them...

The Leave in conditioner could be a little oilier.. A little heavier... During the day around 12 my hair looked it's best... It had a shine and it was weighed down like Lusters does my hair... What I really want to see is how my hair hold up tonight... I read what I have been doing wrong is sleeping with my hair free and not up in a ponytail.. So I'll try this tonight to see if I can go without washing my hair in the morning... Yes I wash my hair everyday...

So Mixed Chicks has my vote... I will use these products and when I get enough time to straight my hair I really want to see if it can hold the frizzy down to atleast a slight poof..lol..

Finally!!!

2008-08-05T13:54:00.007-05:00

Yes!!! my Pumkin is home... Oh and Yes Ricky I know I spell pumkin wrong...lol.. That's the way I pronounce it..lmao.. Well My hubby put in overtime in her room.. He actually went above and beyond... and I can now say our child is SPOILED!!! We finally finished her room within 7 hours of her home coming... Was she excited??? Excited is an understatement... One thing I hate about her being gone... When she gets back I have to go out usually that same day and buy new clothes..lol.. She has grown that much... But back to her room..lol..This time I took one before picture..lol... That's it up top...lol...I had to scream wait..lol..Enjoy

Yeah I know Hanna.??? Mocha...Hanna???... Hubby wasn't to pleased... lol...But like I told him it's they're only sheets... they can be changed...and plus... When she's 14 and actin crazy... I'll embarrass her and put them back on her bed... The two tone wall was a great idea... no... I didn't think of it...lol

My Pumkin is a girly girl.. What threw her the most was the Flat screen TV... Her words... "I am so lovin this TV"... I said she was Spoiled!! Not to spoiled... No cable.. Only watches What we give her to watch... Hey... It is what it is...

We (hubby and I) both admit the size of our rooms growing up was no where near what our daughter has now.. I guess times have changed..lol.. Don't worry.... No Internet... The Spolied one only plays educational games... I am not that mom who has her daughter on her Myspace page...Trust that...

And thats every angle... Cool uh.. I am proud to have taped the edges and unscrewed the electric covers... I did do some painting.. Yes most was in my hair, on my clothes, but... I helped...

The Other Woman

2008-08-03T12:35:00.001-05:00

Motivation… Move Bitch get out the way…BOOM I got your boyfriend, Uh I got your man… I gott’em .. Hello Mocha this is SO-n-So, You don’t know me but… ETC….

I had a hard time writing this blog… For many reasons, personal and private.. What I realized by writing and rewriting, that as much as the topic stares me in the face, I have no clue who holds the blame.. I always prided myself on being #1… Growing up I witnessed best friends get caught by wives, bricks flying through windows of cheating boyfriends, and of course the skating ring brawls as object stands back and laughs only to reject brawlers the next week at school. I on the other hand never sought out attention from other men. However, I have dealt with many OTHERS. Others, who sought me out.

Background:

Some Lessons were learned early on like… She will always come out of the wood works.

Majority of my first boyfriend’s flings always needed me to know. I don’t know what it was about, but they did. I had never caught him physically, but his evidence would just show up out the blue. I received notes on my car that ranged from “Ask him where he was last night” to “Check his right ass cheek”.. lol.. Of course being involved with a guy who has the gift of gab, each lie became more and more outlandish. My favorite line “You know no one likes seeing us together” or the famous “She didn’t mean shit to me, you’re my world”… I couldn’t pin flat tires and key scratches on his other girls, so of course he played clueless… The last straw came when I was at his house and the other showed up. I’m pregnant with his child. I turned, looked at him and a song came in my head… “It’s written all over your face, you don’t have to say a word”… At that moment I realized that revenge was beneath me and fighting over someone who has no legal ties to me is childish. 1st rule of thumb I don’t fight over men. But, as usual, you get tested.

Now I have never been any mans second... I usually don’t sit around long enough to find out if there was a 1st. So part of me found it pathetic that a woman would hold on knowing she was an after thought. I mean knowing that you can’t call after a certain hour, Knowing that EVERY holiday you’re alone, and knowing you’re worth: a $20 motel room and 3 hours of attention… HELL NAW!!! This is where the hard time came in. I have been approached by many a married men, and I have also come across the “yeah I got somebody but it’s shaky” knuckle head. What kind of woman is ok with this treatment? I guess growing up in a two parent house-hold, where my dad was always there tainted me. I expected all men to treat women the way my dad treated my mom. I expected women to submit the way my mom did to my dad. In my perfect up bringing, I saw marriages last. Never heard of so-n-so’s husband creeping. Not until I was of age to understand about the outside, that everything on the inside could be distorted.

Oprah’s Ah Ha moment…lol.. Never call someone something that just may pertain to you. Pathetic. Every woman has pathetic moments. In hind sight I realize I have had many. I think back how proud I was about being a “good” girlfriend. The fact that he gave me keys to his Candy coated 78 Cadillac Coupe DeVille, how I laid around his house with his mom when he was at basketball practice, how he showered me with gifts and The fact that I placed my own ass on a pedestal that was shaky at best. Never occurred to me that when I passed by, I was tagged as dumb, clueless, pathetic. That’s usually what happens when you toss everything you have into a bottomless pit and expect it to be in arms reach when ever you needed it. Truth be told I should have been somewhere bent over the same way he probably had her bent over. I should have accepted invites from his best friend. Hell “I can’t do this” should have been replaced with “Playbacks a bitch”. I should have been ok with being the “hussy” my granny spoke so matter-of-factly about. I should have been the opposite of all my friends. But, Here, little miss perfect had to be “perfect”. Being faithful had nothing to do with sex. It had to do with honesty. What hurt was openly loving someone, only to have everyone around you know it’s a fake. That’s like you going to work and everyone around you knows that when 5:00 hits you’re fired. Bullshit.. But I eventually grew up, replacing the naïve 16 year old with an out of touch young adult.

Over the years of having guy friends who treated me as “baby girl”, the candid talk made me place myself in a category of woman that was rare. Pieces of important information etched in my brain like never be a motel girl, bad girls return the favor, backseats are for hoes, and of course the holy grail of them all always wear panties. So after receiving this information from such reliable sources I began college. The look I got from College men as I repeated things was indescribable. The fact that I had never “returned the favor” had the then stand out star (not naming names but he eventually got us to the final four and was drafted) of our B-Ball team baffled. He in turn tried his hardest to convince me to let him “teach me”…lmao.. Not happening! So … Now you know where my mind was you kind of get the “ah ha” moment…

The Other Woman…

I don’t know how to feel… Part of me just wants to sit down and ask a millions questions. The other part wants to avoid the answers. The thing that bothers me I guess is the lack of respect. The unconcerned feeling that they’re ruining someone’s life. The family that they are hurting, they could care less. Once upon a time I was one of those “she should have done this and that” women. Funny, how WE as woman always blame each other, but never really look at the bigger picture. I have often heard Other’s say “I did what she wasn’t doing”. Really?? It never occurs to her that maybe she is doing EVERYTHING and he is just self-serving. Or that because Other will sit around and wait on her 3 hour window, and he knows this, he tells her what she needs to hear to get what he needs. And because Miss “It’s Whatever” has no self worth, a little attention is enough to claim victory.. A self high five because she just got him to break, but yet she ignores the fact that he is scrubbing the skin off his balls to rid himself of his mistake. He goes home and lives. She on the other hand sits around waiting once again on that 3 hour window. SAD.. Miss “It’s Whatever” will keep it going, won’t compromise her good thing… Though she thinks she won’t fall she does… Getting caught usually unleashes the “Jealous” side of the Other Woman… The fact that he would rather work on fixing his marriage and could care less that she is sitting at home harps on her. She breaks the rules…She contacts him after their agreed time.. Feelings of “What about me enters her mind and the vindictive side of Miss “Jealous” is full of rage. Continued calls and emails, text messages and notes, she doesn’t understand what it was As Jill Scott says in “My Love”…Yet in an “Others” mind; they feel validated because they did something. Something that you won’t… REALLY?? I have come to just say people need fillers. Fillers are what get’s you through your day at work. Ya know so-n-so is gonna say something sideways and it’s freaky as hell…you giggle and say Whatever.. Innocent…You catch lunch with your co-workers and an after 5:00 happy hour invitation is given. Innocent. An email back and forth through out your Department of course flirting is inevitable. A string of bad days at the home front and the filler that goes out of their way to get you to crack daily seems to be on top of their game. You take the invitation and there you go… Lesson: Innocence often is the base, ulterior motives gives innocence its potent foundation.

As an adult I expect infidelity.. I have come realize a man is programmed to procreate. When me and my husband were “just friends” he had friends…When we were dating he had friends. Now that I am married he still has friends. But the benefits stopped the day he made my left hand outrageously heavy.. I respect my husband. To be blunt his “friends” are cling-ons.. Can’t say ex’s because he never claimed them… They were in between fillers…They have gotten on my last nerve at times but, me being me … I Could give a fuck about somebody’s feelings getting hurt… Like I said this is my house… You’re reading for a reason, unpop ya neck and close your mouth… If you weren’t a cling-on you wouldn’t be reading this right now…lmao!!! Is my marriage open? HELL TO THE MUTHA FREKIN NAH… I am submissive. At times I think I maybe a little too submissive. But that’s my personality.. Do I think infidelity will enter my marriage? Let’s just say I’d be stupid to say NEVER!!! 3 hour windows pop up…Shit happens.. Can I avoid the possibilities? Negative.. I have been told I am cunning and nothing can get past me.. I often just have gut feelings and 99% of the time I am right. A simple get ya shit straight and feelings get hurt.. Emails come through.. Things get said and it’s over.

Conclusion…

Women are one up creatures.. If you did it I did it, but I add an extra because you need to look at me with a WHAT expression. If I had three men feeding me bananas and one wiping my mouth, trust me the next broad will have three men feeding her bananas and one wiping her mouth on the beach. Cuz she’s fly like that..lmao If I write about the way my husband strokes my face and counts my freckles, a broad from way back when will read this and think so he did that to me too..And...And.. He bought me a purse..lol.. That’s just us.. We as individuals want to be the best. When he says I am the best, I know that’s not the first time he said that. But, it does make me follow through on the back stroke.. You know just so he can put “I promise” on the end of it.. That’s just us.. You know just like it’s in us to publicly put down someone who wronged us. We don’t want fault in anything. If we can save face we will, even if it’s not the truth. I am no where near perfect. My life log is smeared, spotted, and in bold letters. So part of me understands when a man says I love my wife, and he constantly lifts her up.. Why the Other Woman gets a high from getting said man to fall even for just for 3 hours.. It’s not personal, it’s just personal… Does that make sense?

BBB...............

2008-08-02T18:57:00.004-05:00

Black, Beautiful, and Blessed

You Wonder

Why is the walk so fierce so easy to please men of all nationalities debating with ease copycats around the world biting the style dancing the dance stealing the look cloning the face based on what’s in a book eating an extra meal trying to get that look if they only knew why we show no sign of being stressed you can’t take being Black, Beautiful and Blessed

Why my hips sway like grass in a light Spring breeze moves so sweet ass being chased by bees swarming causing massive hives all the honey in the world and Still I Rise been knocked down a couple of times called out my name cursed by and by abused misused mistreated by the rest and yet I’m still Black, Beautiful and Blessed

Why my twist is so strong you grunt when I stride you don’t make eye contact and turn your head when I pass by when I’m acknowledged you suck your teeth and frown wondering why all the attention suddenly surrounds me you hate even though no wrong have I done been in the back all my life and now I’m number one someday you’ll comprehend about what it takes to be the best even though its already been said Black, Beautiful, and Blessed

Why do I stomp so hard that my thighs start to shake its to let you know no matter the problem these knees can support the weight these ankles were built to carry lies and hurt back stabbing and jealousy envy and worse my life is a testimony I came from a journey I’m worthy no doubt I was destined to be it all and nothing less..............

the blood in my veins drip Black Beautiful and Blessed

What pisses me Off!!!

2008-07-28T20:17:00.000-05:00

When you’re on the road to the White House, trying to become the President of the United States, you have to expect to some degree, that every aspect of your life will be scrutinized, criticized and analyzed; even that your character and morals be called to question. But you ALSO probably believe somewhere in the back of your mind that people will have some modicum of respect for the public service that you’re trying to afford the country, some morality that will make them stop and think before they go too far. Well I guess Senator Barack Obama can’t have that same reasonable expectation.

While the Illinois Senator toured the world, and made a stop in Jerusalem, he visited the Western Wall (also known as the Wailing Wall) and like many others wrote a note of prayer to God and slipped it in the cracks of the wall. Of course this isn’t the end of the story since this is Obama we’re talking about. Reportedly a Jewish Seminary student pilfered the note, and sold it to the Israeli daily newspaper, Maarvi who OF COURSE couldn’t resist publishing it, which they did, and of course brought in handwriting experts to analyze the note, and see if Obama really meant what he said to God.

The note included such scandalous and salacious text as this: “Lord- Protect my family and me.” and “Forgive my sins, and help me guard against pride and despair.” oh, and “Give me the wisdom to do what is right and just. Make me an instrument of your will.”

I guess the right wing press that probably paid that seminary student to dig up some dirt on Obama while over seas was sadly disappointed. Ha-ha, Obama is either smarter than people give him credit for, and knew even while writing the probably genuine prayer that someone might yank it out the wall, or truly might not have any National Enquirer worthy prayer to ask forgiveness for.

Wait, what is a seminary student doing stealing anyway? Doesn’t this plainly go against the Ten Commandments? And isn’t the site of the Western Wall the holiest in Judaism? I guess people will truly do anything for a dollar, even go to hell.

What do you think, can someone running for public office, and in this case the highest in the land, expect any bit of privacy? Or is it par for the course? Let me know what you think!

Keeping my house a home...

2008-07-20T10:39:00.001-05:00

It’s no secret that marriages have more than a 50% failure rate. Being married in today’s society is truly testing. Tomorrow it will be umm 7 months..lol.. I think..waaaiit.. Yes 8 months.. Marriage is definitely not what I thought it would be. I wasn’t one of those girls who knew what her colors would be before she even knew how to spell marriage.. I didn’t dream of a white picket fence with a dog. I didn’t have the names of my 2.5 kids..lol.. I didn’t know the location or the date by heart… When I had my daughter at age 23 I knew the possibility of me getting married was slim.. But one thing I always knew.. I had to marry some one who got me.. Some one who understood simplicity. He had to be my friend. God blessed me.

Lightening would fly up the crack of my ass if I sat here and said all 7 months of my marriage were full of wonder and bliss..lol.. The funny thing about us. We know each other. He knows when I’m mad.. I can say “nothing” until I’m blue in the face, he’ll never accept it as an answer. I know when he’s guilty, I often find myself quietly laughing when I hear his explanations… When I’m mad as hell, my nose scrunched up, and red as a tomatoes.. I avoid eye contact like the plague because I know….one look at him and it disappears.. lol.. There are days I can kiss him until my lips are swollen… days I miss him so much I’ll put his white tee on that smells like Burberry and funk… or lay on his side of the bed so he can purposely give me that look…lmao.. He knows this and I’m ok with that.. and…

There are days that I get home and the milk is sitting out… and the box of empty cereal is still on top of the fridge.. Or when he refuses to open mail the day it comes, and it sits there FOREVER and comes running to me yelling “When did I get this”..lol.. When the seat is covered with piss or he washes only what he needs to wear instead of loading a full load… I still love him..

Transforming our house into a home hasn’t been hard. Getting all of the past out of our house has been. It took me awhile to realize that baggage is unpacked best when it’s ready. Some times you have to trip over your baggage continuously until you realize it’s really slowing you down. I also realized that baggage that you thought you got rid of pieces show up… Even when you have thrown it away… That damn wind blows hard sometimes…

Turning my house into a home was easy, keeping that same house a home… That’s what marriage is all about.. That’s the hard part..

Emotions make me cry sometimes...

2008-07-18T19:58:00.000-05:00

I often wonder how we as women deal with emotions. I have heard that we are emotional creatures, never believed in the hype though. I never thought that I was emotional. I knew I was sensitive. But not emotional. NO that’s not the same thing. My feelings always got hurt, but I never cried about it..lol… I’ve been mad as hell, and never acted on the madness. See in my world emotion is the action you take.. The physical.. If you cry a lot your emotional.. If you just pout your sensitive…If you Yell and Scream during arguments you’re emotional…If you’re like me and go into a mute state of mind you’re sensitive.. Is it just me or doesn’t that make sense..

Now add a man into my equation and it looks like this:

Before: Life + Mocha=Sensitive

After: Life + Mocha+ Sensitive/Man = Emotional

Maybe I wasn’t emotional because I never had to add in someone else’s adult personality on a daily basis. I never had to deal with being responsible for someone else’s adult feelings. I mean as humans we walk around being as cordial as we can. People piss us off everyday but the difference is we don’t deal with the same person who pissed us off for the rest of the day, watch them shower, eat, watch TV, smile ,laugh, and then get in the bed with you… So I kind of think it’s unfair to label me as emotional..lol.. YES if you have not figured out by now I have a huge problem with being called emotional… it ranks right up there with Bitch.. Wouldn’t slap you for callin me emotional, but you’d definitely get a F-you.

So now I am forced to spend my every waking minute taming my Sensitive side… Ya know tryin to squeeze a Whatever out of clinched teeth when you really want to just stomp, yell and pinch.. Sometimes I feel like Ally McBeal.. I feel like any minute a drug free Whitney is gonna sing “I get so emotional baby….” Maybe it’s a control issue.. Ya know not wanting the actions of one person determining whether or not they get to see you lose it. I honestly think some men like to see emotion.. Why.. The fix it factor.. Men want to fix everything.. and when there is nothing to fix… They create things..lol.. Ok so I am stretching but I refuse to take responsibility for my sensitive character..lol..

I hate the fact that men don’t pout..lmao.. I hate the fact that the only response to why they don’t let their emotions show is.. “You piss me off all the time, but I just let it roll right off..”.. ARRGH.. And I never pin point what it is I do that pisses him off so I can’t really continue to do what I don’t know to get some kind of satisfaction…lmao… You know the day I say “ You are emotional today” I think women all over the world will just stop and say… oh my God it happened..”… LMAO!!!! I’m stupid yall.. please over look me…

Ok back to work..

Racism in America?? Really?

2008-07-16T18:49:00.001-05:00

Really?? I don’t think I get shocked as easy as so many others. The New Yorker mag cover is just one of those tasteless ways to say “We’re not racist, we’re just being real”.. The sad thing is that in so many eyes the picture is true, it’s believable.. It’s ok. It’s like the N word. We know it’s being said with a racist under tone. But, because we are a Country who prides itself on Amendments, we lift freedom of Speech above everything else.

I don’t cringe at the off colored jokes about race. Especially when it’s about mixed folk. Why?.. Truth of it is most Bi-racial people have heard every off colored joke, are use to the stares, could careless about under-your-breathe remarks.. What surprises me more is that the originality has worn away.. I remember being in High School and this one white guy said something to me that made me stop in my tracks.. He said “I wonder what God thought when he created you.” My response was “that’s original.. Thank you”.. The fact that my Husband gets up in arms with some of these Conservative talk shows, lets me know yeah you had no clue huh… He gets upset about the halfrican.. or the whitegro labels.. He looks at me and I simply say “Heard it before”..

Most people deal with racism coming from the opposite race… Imagine everyone every race trying to fit you a light skinned girl into one category.. “Are you from Louisiana?” And then they see your mom..lol.. or they start pulling you apart “I never knew black people could have freckles”.. and then the moment you knew would come “Who’s white in your family?” and of course the famous…“Can I touch your hair?” Ever since the age of 7… Because America is so color struck, you’re either or..

I was born and raised in Mainz, Germany.. My Oma (grandmother) had 7 kids.. my mom was the youngest.. Out of 14 Grand kids I was the only Bi-racial one… You know the saying kids are color blind.. it’s true.. I never knew it was something wrong with being Black until I moved to America.. Why do most Bi-racial people who have a black parent identify with their black side? Well you and everyone around you would think I was crazy if I went around saying I’m white… We do it because it’s bad enough people stare when you have family outings.. and if most Bi-racial people are like me… We want comfort… I decided who I was comfortable being.. I have a picture of me dressed up like an Indian at age 5 for Halloween and my cousins were cowboys.. I remember my oldest cousin getting mad because he wanted to be the Indian because I had a bow and arrow.. I wasn’t the Indian because my skin was darker.. I was an Indian because GIRLS weren’t Cowboys.. I remember my mom NOT being able to control my hair..lol.. So I had an Afro pretty much until I was 6.. My Aunt on my Dad’s side came to Germany before our move to the States.. and introduced my mom to Grease and water using a hard brush… And the ponytail was born..lmao..

My mom handled racism the way I do now. I learned from my mom people will say and do anything negative when it’s not understood. The way my mom handled black women especially made me understand women in general.. I don’t have my moms temper..lol.. She was quick to curse you out in German… I think once Black women realized my dad didn’t just marry a white woman.. Not some trailer trash scank…not some wanna be black woman with bad grammar and a Salt-n-Pepa hair style..he married a European woman… That’s what I love about my mom.. She wasn’t one of these I think I’m black…loud.. I got a mixed child so that automatically makes me entitled to a neck roll and a finger snap women… She was educated…Now because my mom lives in Southern Mississippi her accent is more of a Southern drawl with a twist..lol.. That is until she speaks German…

All in all America is a melting pot. The thing of it is.. It’s a melting pot that White America thought they controlled.. The Minority has now made the then Majority think twice… So it’s understandable to see why so much racism is coming out now… The one thing White America controlled is being taken.. and what else do you do when something you owned is being taken by they very people you controlled at one point in time… You make everyone around you remember…even though we have come up.. remember who “we“ were.. even though nothing is “white” only any more.. Remember when it was.. So I don’t blame America for it’s feelings about being Bi-racial in America.. Just think in about 100 years being mixed won’t be a big deal… You’ll have your great great grand kids telling there kids my great great great great grandmother and grandfather were both white or were both black… and their kids will be shocked… When we say it’s time for change we literally mean it..

Change.. It’s gonna come like it or not..